tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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