It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
