it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
