Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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