hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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