I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
