my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
