made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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