If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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