Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
