Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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