So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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