What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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