i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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