Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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