im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
