I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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