that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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