AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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