dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
