Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
