I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
