fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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