; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
