btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
