I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
