I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
