Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
