btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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