I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
