I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
