I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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