I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
