dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
