I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
