Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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