theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
