Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
