Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
