Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Enjoy the penises
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
