elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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