Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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