he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
