How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize