Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
