and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
