don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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