have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
