She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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