If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The Olympian is in my bed
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
