your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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