Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
