why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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