so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
