$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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