so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
