Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
