Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My cat gives me a boner
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize