It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
its liver damage thursday
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
