She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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