Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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