so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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