I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize