Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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