i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
