these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
