some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
