I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
