help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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