What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
