I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
