have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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