so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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