i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
