'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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