The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
