I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize