At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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